The Tale of The Tongue and the Bellybutton.

Chapter 5 - Wellington and the ferry!
So its now the 8^th of February 2011 and we’ve left our hostel, Wellywood backpackers. Thanks to all the Yank girls for makin my stay very entertaining, felt like one of the girls!!
Anyway, after a 4 nights stay at possibly the best hostel yet, we’ve set off along the Wellington harbour front, which included a gorgeous inner-city skate park with a deep as peanut bowl and all the ledges you’d want….I was pretty gutted that I didn’t have a bike or board to sample it. But if anything that’s fuelled the fire because around Wellington are endless amounts of awesome downhill and xc trail and its seriously getting my back up now, passing all these place by and not having ridden at one of them. But like I said, fuelling the fire.
Now as Eli has been helping me out with the money were now both on our arses with cash and the phone calls home haven’t been for a catch up but were soldiering on through down to Christchurch, or CHCH from now on.

I’ve been offered a sweet as job aswell. Slightly different from what I set out here to do. Now a Design Technician basically works on drawings created by Architects. As a technician my job is to apply regulations and construction notes to all final copies of structural plans for domestic or commercial use! Thought I mite aswell outline what I do for a living.
But the job ive been offered is working with Kiwi Rail and they need a structure inspector…..so whats that en? Well basically all the tunnels that you pass through on trains or bridges that you’d travel under while on the train, these are all owned by the train company. In this case, Kiwi Rail. So my job would be to inspect the conditions of different track site structures and claim them safe etc etc. So it’s a little less than what id earn with M&W but I think maybe it would be cool tryin sumin different than what ive been lookin at day in, day out for 3 or 4 years now. But that’s all talk and nothings down on paper yet!

Got in contact with one of the girlies back home this morning, Nici Ridge. Needed to get a contact from her for an old family friend who lived out here for years an years. Nick Gibbon, who’s pretty much responsible for me getting into cycling, which to this day has been a massive part of my life as most of you will know, its not that odd to see me on a bike plastered in cack from down Canaston is it!! But I needed to get a number off Nick for some ride contacts in the south island. Ive got the itch that bad to ride im already planning rides before I even have a fuckin bike ready!!
So I take it most of you have been enjoying the blog so far, I have been checkin the ‘stats’! its odd finding out where people are reading my blog from though. Theres 37 people in America who’ve been reading it and I only know 3 Americans!! Theres been a few from Sri Lanka aswell which is cool as.
I wana say its hard to write stuff out but its been cool writing about what ive been doing, just jogs your memory about what a wild time ive had when you sit down to write it out. And im always remembering parts id maybe forgotten if I hadnt thought of that night……and that chick was there…….and then there was that fight…….and a Tuk Tuk race. Just endless amount of crazy.

Anyway im on the InterIslander ferry now, we’ve left Wellington and were now in the open sea between the 2 islands of New Zealand. Im sorry I have no idea what the sea is actually called because im still half asleep as its 7am now but me and Eli have been up since 5am and the ‘jog’ with the bags was pretty hardcore. We’ll be on the ferry for a good 3 to 4 hours and then a lovely 5 hour train ride direct to CHCH. There were going to meet and stay with the Geds!! Steve and Helen Gerrard and their 2 children Megan and Rhodri. From the few phone calls and emails ive shared with Steve they live about 40minutes outside of CHCH central in a beautiful small holding of land. Steve is a carpenter and Helen works in employment. It was only a year ago I saw Steve and told him that I was going to be coming to NZ for a long stint. Don’t get me wrong though, ive known Steve for years and he’s always been around when I was growing up and the stories to back up his awesome character are just what you expect from the man. I recall most Friday nights when me and my baby bro were only 6 and 7 and Steve would turn up outside mum and dads flat plastered at 4am because he was our neighbour at that time, and me and Ben would wait up for him nearly an hoax chocolate biscuits out of him!! And now im here on my way to meet him……doesn’t feel like years have gone by though. But there was enough shit in 2010 for me to forget about anyway!! So Im guessin time flies when you done give a fuck.

　
Found out the other day that my best mate from Sri Lanka, Rhys Williams aka Mr Pembrokeshire 08, wont be coming out to NZ to stay with me. Was very much looking forward to be sharing the experience with him, one top fella I must say.
I’ll tell you a story about Rhys ok, because I think its worthy of blog status!

The Tale of the Tongue and the Belly Button - By Tom Douglas.

So this story begins with a chat up line. Most of you will know what a chat up line is but for you that do not I shall help you out. A chat up line is a revised sentence with the intent to seduce a member of the opposite sex.

Now there are some good ones and there are some bad ones and then there are some damn right rude ones.

So it all began with Rob ‘Pete’ Taylor claiming he had the chat up line to end all chat up lines. Every man at the bar ears twitched and heads turned with a pissed off, slow motion sorta action. And their eyes said, ‘you fuckin what..’. What proceeded was a bunch of blokes reciting their own, personal, perfect, fool proof chat up lines. As pissed as we were it seem great at the time but for anyone sober looking in must have though what a bunch of planks.
So Pete and his chat up line, it stood out from the rest and is apparently a classic up in Dale. I was in stitches , either due to alcohol or the fact that you couldn’t say that chat up line to any female without a really hard smack in the mouth. It was that iconic to some of the boys that it was revised within hearing just the once.

Some days past before we returned to the bar. The hangovers had kept us well away. On our return though, Rhys and Myself sat at the bar still giggling about that night, the chicks that were there and the general shit that went on. I asked Rhys, ‘has anyone of you lot used that chat up line then’?, Rhys, with a confused look on his face said, ‘what chat up line’, ‘you know the belly button one Pete told us the other night, have you even said it to any chicks before’?. The immediate answer was no. But a challenge was brewing in my head and I wanted to see it unleashed.
The night we all heard the chat up line, some hot chick from Norway was talking to Rhys and on further inspection was grabbin his arse. So at the same bar on a different night, much the same setting I was introduced to ’the lady’ and we got to talking about how people approach people in bars etc. She claimed she knew a thing or two but I made it very clear ... She didn’t.

So after some time and a few Arrack and colas, the topic of chat up lines came up, between Rhys, myself and ‘the lady’. There was the standard ,’have you got a map….’no’……..that’s a shame, because I just got lost in your eyes…’ (fact: never fails).

So then I turned to Rhys and said, ‘go on tell her the bellybutton one..’, Rhys, ‘naa mate, I duno….’, I wasn’t prepared to let this go so some persuasion followed until the bellybutton line was used……

So your all probably wondering what the hell is this chat up line. I want to make it very clear that this chat up line is not my own and that I do not proceed to use it. Any attempt at this chat up line may result in serious injury or a dangerous ‘dry spell’.

‘Excuse me, have you ever had your bellybutton licked……from the inside….’

Now for most chicks to have that said to you would be bordering offensive, if not massively offensive.
And what makes this story amusing is the reaction we got from ‘the lady’.

Her reply to Rhys once he’d been pressured and persuaded into repeating ‘that’ was, and I quote,
‘how bigs your tongue then…?’

Jaws dropped and the groms took note. High fives occurred the following day when the war stories came out. But the chick turned out to be a twat and we never spoke to her much again.
The End.

It’s a story that’s firmly lodged in my mind and I it may not have been the best read, or you may not have found it funny and is possibly one of those, ’you really had to have been there’, type of stories. But the Sri Lanka boys will all know what im on about. Rhys Williams, you Leg-End.

So anyway im an hour into my ferry crossing and im hungry as hell so im guna chase down a sausage roll and a can of fanta!!

PEACE
TD